I’m often involved in decision making and conflict management, yet I have never attended a board meeting or had the “restoration” conversation over coffee. Perhaps the ultimate frustration in this pastor’s wife journey is the responsibility of leadership coupled with no actual authority or position.

It’s not about the power or status of a leadership position; those things aren’t of real interest. I do have a interest and desire to lead. I like to organize and plan. I’m a leader trapped in a wife’s body. We do ministry as a partnership, but in reality, he’s the pastor and I’m his wife.

I’m busy, too. I have my own full-time problems (I mean job) and someone has to care for the children while these meetings are taking place. Perhaps I am in part jealous that I don’t have have an official voice. Perhaps, I don’t fully understand the impact I can and do have on the direction of the church. I probably just need to get over myself.

And to be completely frank, the hardest part is when conflict comes (and we all know it comes) is that I have to work through the forgiveness part by myself, sometimes with great difficulty and prayer because it’s not my responsibility to be there to heal and restore relationships…I’m just the wife.

Take a second to consider the work of a minister if you find yourself exhausted. The highest and best moments of people’s lives and the lowest and worst moments are what a pastor deals with almost daily.

Weddings, baby dedications, baptisms, salvation experiences are what keep pastors in the game. Beautiful, glorious moments. Those Jesus moments where the body is fully functioning: giving, praying, and the Spirit is moving. It’s a piece of heaven here on this broken earth. It’s enough to make you cry big, embarrassing tears of joy.

There is the other side. Sickness and Death. Broken bodies and broken relationships. Addiction, pain, and loss. Tragedies that don’t make any sense, and there are no words that can even be prayed. You have to just start with the groan of your spirit as you seek His. Yet, these moments are a divine privilege. Sacred in themselves.

Nobody calls the pastor on the mundane days. So if you feel a little tired, and your spouse is a bit whooped, it may be for good reason.

“But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint” (Isaiah 40:31, NLT).

Being on this side of the church is weird. It’s strange to know that 99.9% of the difficulties that a pastor faces, the obstacles that take up so much of the time have so little to do with spiritual health and well-being of the church.

song selection, money, personal preference, opinions, opinions, carpet color, paint color, the wrong colors, the right colors, the pastor’s clothes aren’t right, the pastor’s wife’s clothes are great, but the kids…

Just give me Jesus. I want people to know Jesus the way I know Him. I want to know Jesus more. I want people to teach me how they know Jesus. I want to pray for people who need Jesus; I want to see miracles. I want to learn. I want to teach. I want the church to be the church. I want Jesus to be proud of us, his children.

I want it to be simple. I want people to practice forgiveness when they’re offended and seek forgiveness when they mess up.  I want to see people who are desperately in need of salvation find it through our precious Jesus.  Let church be simple.

It’s a phrase developed by the liberal crowd to identify the agenda of  conservatives to prohibit abortion.  And let me tell you, there is a war. But, it’s not what they say it is.

The war on women in our society is asking them to be like men. I’m not talking about equal pay for equal work; that’s obvious. And I’m also not talking about the fundamentalist Christian view that a woman’s place is only in the home. I am a full-time working mom. In this country, we refuse to celebrate and embrace what makes us women. Uniquely created.  One major thing that sets us apart is our ability to  support life. Instead of embracing that gift, what the mainstream tells us is that we should destroy that life any time we want, for any reason, or no reason at all.  The war is on.  It strips women of the most precious gift that makes a woman a woman and mistakes that thievery for freedom. It makes us choose between making career advancements and families.  It’s bosses that ask, “Are you having another?”  and unpaid maternity leaves.

I know it’s complicated. I’m a high school teacher and have seen plenty of teenage girls make mistakes that have huge impacts on their futures. But the child doesn’t destroy life, he or she is a life.

I am a woman. I don’t want to be treated like a man. I want better than that!

I’m not who I was.  And I am grateful to God for His regenerative work in my life.  I can barely identify with the person I used to be which is generally a source of joy, peace, and fulfillment.

However.  I’ve found in working in ministry it is important to remember my sin state.  As Ephesians 2:8-9 states that it is by grace I’ve been saved and not by works. It’s all of God’s work so I cannot take credit for the person I am becoming.  And so it is with people that frustrate me when the truth is clear and they don’t cling to it. When it’s obvious what the next step in their faith should be, but they don’t take it.

It is by grace that I am who I am. It is by grace that those who frustrate me will become who they will be in Christ. Because I am changed, I believe others will be changed. But the frustration is just a mis-remembering of how I got to where I am. I cannot boast. And I cannot be impatient with the work of grace in others, nor expect their journey to look like mine. I can rejoice in the grace continually given to me and keep moving on.

Philippians 1:6…

Shortly after he was born, I was attempting to put words to my experience and emotions. The best I could do was this line: “I never knew what I didn’t have, until I got to hold what I have now.” It is an awesome experience to hold your first born in your arms for the first time.

Quickly, however, I began considering what we’ve done. There are so many possibilities a new life brings. Joys and heartache. What kind a man will this sweet babe become? What role will I play? What a great opportunity…a great responsibility.

My husband and I started praying for this boy long before he was being knitted together. And we gave him up to God then. Although my personality would rather control and cling to him,  he’s not just mine.  He’s God’s Will.

Love you, Little Buddy. <3

I’m horrified and saddened by the news of the shooting in Connecticut. And, I feel it is time to speak out. I realize that many will simply discount my thoughts as another one of “those” people, but hear me out before dismissing me so easily.

I work in a high school. I observe kids every day and notice all sorts of behavioral shifts, damage, and disorders that our teens deal with daily. One of the most disturbing trends I see is the addiction to violent video games. Do you know what our kids are doing? They walk into school every morning nearly comatose because they stay up half the night playing games where they kill and pillage. These kids who get addicted to these games do not have a healthy sense of reality. I can tell because of the way they talk.  They chat with classmates and brag about the awards and levels they earned and how they smoked this guy and killed this many. I often interrupt them and advise, “You do realize that all you actually did last night was sit in front of a TV or computer screen and move your thumbs, you didn’t actually kill anyone.”  Their reply, “It’s the same thing, Mrs. Kelly.”  Honestly to these kids playing the game is the same as killing people in their minds. These are also the kids who hate school and most of their classmates and their teachers because they are too tired to find any value in friendships or academics. Instead, they fantasize about their games and can’t wait to return to them.  You don’t believe me, ask them!

It’s these kids that bring their video game world to ours. It’s these kids who can’t get high enough on their games anymore and begin contemplating the horrifying tragedy that sickens us as we watch the news today. Everyone always asks, “How could someone do this…”  They do it every night; is it really that big of a stretch?

We don’t have time to wait for legislation. Obviously putting a “M”sticker on the outside of a video game is not going to prevent these kids from playing those games.  A “mature” person would not be interested in pretending to kill people. Parents, start parenting. Learn to say “NO” for the benefit of your child and the kids around him or her. Youth pastors, stop having gaming parties with violent games. Churches and pastors, start speaking out.  The kids in your church are participating in these games.

Instead, let’s live out Philippians 4:8”Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”